Decaphobia

My baby girl will be ten next week. 

I KNOW.  Why is it so exciting when your oldest turns ten...and so sad when your baby turns ten?

Anyway, last night after ballet practice, she disappeared into her room.

I found her there an hour later, still in her little pink tights and leotard, laying on her bed and sobbing. 

"What's wrong?"
"I DON'T WANT TO BE TEN YEARS OLD!"
"Why not? It's very exciting to be ten!"

After a few moments of snuffling back tears came this:

"If I grow up you might not love me anymore."

My heart squeezed inside my chest when she said that.

So I held her and rocked her and assured her that yes, I will always love her.  Even if she grows up.  Even if she makes horrible mistakes and thinks no one could ever forgive her...*I* will love her.

So I tucked her in.

"Will you read me a story, Momma? " ( She hasn't let me read her a bedtime story in years. I was more than happy to oblige.)

I know what she's going through...that painful time of realizing, no, I'm not a baby anymore.  And the grown up world is scary...which is where I am headed. I want my mommy.

Maybe she realizes now that even through those scary times...she's stuck with me. 

No matter what.