My baby girl will be ten next week.
I KNOW. Why is it so exciting when your oldest turns ten...and so sad when your baby turns ten?
Anyway, last night after ballet practice, she disappeared into her room.
I found her there an hour later, still in her little pink tights and leotard, laying on her bed and sobbing.
"What's wrong?"
"I DON'T WANT TO BE TEN YEARS OLD!"
"Why not? It's very exciting to be ten!"
After a few moments of snuffling back tears came this:
"If I grow up you might not love me anymore."
My heart squeezed inside my chest when she said that.
So I held her and rocked her and assured her that yes, I will always love her. Even if she grows up. Even if she makes horrible mistakes and thinks no one could ever forgive her...*I* will love her.
So I tucked her in.
"Will you read me a story, Momma? " ( She hasn't let me read her a bedtime story in years. I was more than happy to oblige.)
I know what she's going through...that painful time of realizing, no, I'm not a baby anymore. And the grown up world is scary...which is where I am headed. I want my mommy.
Maybe she realizes now that even through those scary times...she's stuck with me.
No matter what.
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Thursday, December 22, 2011
If You Have a Son...Please Read This
Last night I dropped my daughter off for a sleep over at a friends house. I was introduced to the teenaged son of the household.
He stood up and shook my hand.
Myself, my hubby and the other girls mom and dad made our way into the garage while having a nice conversation. It was raining cats and dogs, so we stayed in the garage to talk.
After a few minutes, the teenager came out to the garage with an umbrella. I thought "Maybe he has somewhere to go and we are in his way." But he just hung around.
Fifteen minutes later, as we went to exit the garage and make a dash to the minivan...the teen with the umbrella quickly came to my side and held the umbrella over me and walked me to the car.
I almost felt embarrassed. I was definately impressed. I have never had anyone do that for me. Well, maybe my husband did years ago, but never a teenaged kid.
It had me thinking all the way home.
THAT'S what I want my son to be like. And who is going to teach him this? Me.
We mothers with sons are raising the next generation of men. It's up to us to produce men of good character.
Raise them to never NEVER *EVER* hit a female. (And by the same token, raise our daughters that it is never ever ever okay to BE hit by a male....even her brother. I know too many moms that let their sons just pummel their little sisters and just sit there and do nothing, I guess thinking that kids will be kids. Absolutely not. Unacceptable.)
Raise them to know that they have to WORK for a living. Don't expect the world to hand over a house, clothes, food...no sir. Get out and get a job. Nothing is worse than grown men who have the attitude of "The world is picking on me!" Get over yourself and give the world something positive to say about you!
Raise them to respect other people's boundaries. Emotional boundaries as well as physical boundaries.
Raise them to defend the defenseless.
Raise them to be respectful to other adults. To look them in the eye and speak to them when spoken to. To extend a hand to shake.
Raise them to become good conversationalists. To not interrupt others and not to bring up topics that may hurt the feelings of others or cause hard feelings.
Raise them to stand their ground and defend what they know to be right and good.
Raise them to have good table manners. And never wear a hat to the table. And always wear a shirt when you sit down to the table.
Raise them to try to look clean and neat, not dirty and sloppy. And call me crazy, but please don't go around in public without your shirt and shoes. There is no reason for you not to have these things on.
Take pride in your appearance! The Bible says our body is a temple...treat it like one!
Raise them to do everything they do to the best of their ability.
And best of all....teaching them these qualities costs nothing. You don't have to be 'rich' to teach your children the qualities of good character.
But the payback...well...it's priceless.
He stood up and shook my hand.
Myself, my hubby and the other girls mom and dad made our way into the garage while having a nice conversation. It was raining cats and dogs, so we stayed in the garage to talk.
After a few minutes, the teenager came out to the garage with an umbrella. I thought "Maybe he has somewhere to go and we are in his way." But he just hung around.
Fifteen minutes later, as we went to exit the garage and make a dash to the minivan...the teen with the umbrella quickly came to my side and held the umbrella over me and walked me to the car.
I almost felt embarrassed. I was definately impressed. I have never had anyone do that for me. Well, maybe my husband did years ago, but never a teenaged kid.
It had me thinking all the way home.
THAT'S what I want my son to be like. And who is going to teach him this? Me.
We mothers with sons are raising the next generation of men. It's up to us to produce men of good character.
Raise them to never NEVER *EVER* hit a female. (And by the same token, raise our daughters that it is never ever ever okay to BE hit by a male....even her brother. I know too many moms that let their sons just pummel their little sisters and just sit there and do nothing, I guess thinking that kids will be kids. Absolutely not. Unacceptable.)
Raise them to know that they have to WORK for a living. Don't expect the world to hand over a house, clothes, food...no sir. Get out and get a job. Nothing is worse than grown men who have the attitude of "The world is picking on me!" Get over yourself and give the world something positive to say about you!
Raise them to respect other people's boundaries. Emotional boundaries as well as physical boundaries.
Raise them to defend the defenseless.
Raise them to be respectful to other adults. To look them in the eye and speak to them when spoken to. To extend a hand to shake.
Raise them to become good conversationalists. To not interrupt others and not to bring up topics that may hurt the feelings of others or cause hard feelings.
Raise them to stand their ground and defend what they know to be right and good.
Raise them to have good table manners. And never wear a hat to the table. And always wear a shirt when you sit down to the table.
Raise them to try to look clean and neat, not dirty and sloppy. And call me crazy, but please don't go around in public without your shirt and shoes. There is no reason for you not to have these things on.
Take pride in your appearance! The Bible says our body is a temple...treat it like one!
Raise them to do everything they do to the best of their ability.
And best of all....teaching them these qualities costs nothing. You don't have to be 'rich' to teach your children the qualities of good character.
But the payback...well...it's priceless.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Packin' Heat
Guess who has been asking ME to shoot this thing with them?
Look out, varmints. It's paper plate and soda can season in our neck of the woods.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I Think I Am Going To Like This!
My son enrolled in tae kwon do lessons last night. You know- for the socialization. (eyeroll)
Well, for the exercise too. And to give him an outlet for all that testosterone fueled energy.
He brought home a list of 'tenets' that they have to uphold:
Etiquette
Modesty
Perseverance
Self Control
Indomitable Spirit
This is their Oath: "I will observe the tenets of tae kwon do. I will respect the instructor. I will never misuse tae kwon do. I will be a champion of freedom and justice. I will build a more peaceful world."
Nice! I like!
Here are the Home Rules they also have to follow:
Must show respect for parents and family members at all times.
Shall greet their parents when they enter the house and tell them goodbye when they leave.
Will be truthful at all times.
Maintain a good relationship with their brother or sister.
Must help with household chores.
Must keep their room clean and neat.
Must keep their body, hair and teeth clean at all times.
Will not interrupt adult conversations.
Will study their schoolwork.
Will show respect for teachers and peers at all times.
Failure to comply will result in the loss of a rank.
Luckily, my kids do most of these already...but how awesome for the kids who really need this discipline, who don't get it at home.
When he got home last night he immediately went about cleaning his room. So, already I am thinking this is money well spent here. Even if he never breaks a board in his tae kwon do career.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Family Trees...And Forests
I have a lovely friend who has gotten me hooked on geneology research. I'm not kidding, it's like crack for a military brat who is always looking to find her 'roots'.
My kids have been on a kick for months wanting to hear stories about grandpa and grandma when they were little, about when they were little, about when I was little. (They audibly gasped when I told them we could only watch Charlie Brown Specials ONCE a year...that's what made it so special!)
So far I have found out the following:
My ancestors came to America with William Penn when he founded Pennsylvania, which means they were probably Quakers. Hm. No wonder I always liked oatmeal. ;) Note of irony: Our history lesson yesterday was on...you guessed it...William Penn! How cool is that?
Richard Cantrell was a brick layer and mason and is believed to have constructed some of the first brick houses in Philadelphia.
Funny..I love Philly cheesesteaks too. AND cream cheese.
There were two uncles, John Harrell and Berry M. Cantrell, fought in the Battle of Shiloh, and after the defeat of Gen. Beaurigard, they left their rifles in an empty cabin and walked home to Marion County, Alabama, only to have their father persuade them to return back to the fight. Not me...I would have hid my sons away on my farm, dressed them like girls and told them to keep low.
John M. Cantrell fought in the Revolutionary War from Salisbury Dist., North Carolina. And when he died all of his property was sold for about $2,000.00...said property included 5 slaves. Wow. Such a sobering thought that human lives had such little value. As uncomfortable as that tid bit of information makes me, all I can tell myself is that, well, it was what it was. And thank God this country ended it.
It's been fascinating watching my ancestors go from Derbyshire, England to Philadelphia, Delaware, North Carolina, to Alabama.
And the best part is I didn't pay a dime for any of this! Google is a wonderful thing. Someone else I am apparently related to has done a lot of leg work and published their findings online.
I have begun searching my husbands family's roots. Wish me luck!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Holiday Shopping: Kickin' It Homeschool Style
Is it just me or is it difficult shopping for your kids for Christmas?
I think it got harder when we started homeschooling.
When my kids were in public school, it was easy because they wanted stuff that all their friends had...
Barbies, Hot Wheels racetracks, etc.
Now....it starts getting weird.
Architecture sets. Fossils. Plasma globes. Electronic ciruit sets. Solar powered stuff. Anything related to historic events. Geography games.
I love it! But then...it's not exactly like you can run to Wal Mart or Toys R Us and get these things. In fact, you start looking at all the junk they sell in stores and see it as...junk.
I love my Rainbow Resource catalogue. It's full of items that will appease my little nerdlings. That and Amazon.com. You can find *anything* there.
How about you? Do your kids want random, hard to find items? What resources do you use to purchase them?
***Forgot to mention Mindware http://www.mindware.com/Home/HomePage.aspx?SG=PMDG1&gclid=CPvz3dnomqwCFQLj7QodXB9VLg They have some cool stuff as well!****
I think it got harder when we started homeschooling.
When my kids were in public school, it was easy because they wanted stuff that all their friends had...
Barbies, Hot Wheels racetracks, etc.
Now....it starts getting weird.
Architecture sets. Fossils. Plasma globes. Electronic ciruit sets. Solar powered stuff. Anything related to historic events. Geography games.
I love it! But then...it's not exactly like you can run to Wal Mart or Toys R Us and get these things. In fact, you start looking at all the junk they sell in stores and see it as...junk.
I love my Rainbow Resource catalogue. It's full of items that will appease my little nerdlings. That and Amazon.com. You can find *anything* there.
How about you? Do your kids want random, hard to find items? What resources do you use to purchase them?
***Forgot to mention Mindware http://www.mindware.com/Home/HomePage.aspx?SG=PMDG1&gclid=CPvz3dnomqwCFQLj7QodXB9VLg They have some cool stuff as well!****
Friday, October 14, 2011
Friday Ramblings
We also found this movie on Netflix, http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Nature_A_Murder_of_Crows/70155153?trkid=2361637
Awesome addition to our raven and crow study! Did you know the collective noun for crows was a 'murder of crows'? Side note- the collective noun for baboons is a 'congress of baboons'. Snicker.
Saw this tutorial on drawing apples or pumpkins with chalk pastels http://www.hodgepodge.me/2011/10/apple-or-pumpkin-a-pastels-tutorial/
I actually bought some chalk pastels over the summer, and this is the perfect introduction to using them!
Last night was the first night in...well, too long,...that we had Family Game Night. After a walk in the gorgeous Fall weather we came home to a rousing game of Rummykub. Haven't played it yet? Great game for math and logic and just plain ole fun! They need a 12-Step program for it, that's how addicted we were.
This weekend is the local arts-crafts fair, Mossy Creek Barnyard Festival. I can't wait! We haven't been in years because the Georgia National Fair is always the same week...but I think the kiddos are 'burnt out' on the fair and were excited to have a change of 'scenery'.
What fun Fall things have you and your family enjoyed? Please share!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Common Sense Ain't So Common Anymore
One thing I truly hope to instill in my children while homeschooling them is some good ol' common sense. Because, truly...have you noticed the decline in common sense? It's a dying art- along with letter writing (paper and pen) and cursive writing.
Sure, I want my kids to be proficient in math, to be well read.
But more than that I want them to have those skills that will serve them most in life. Intelligence is not measured by how 'smart' you are....I know plenty of 'educated idiots'...people who are book smart, but don't have the 'Sense To Get In Out Of The Rain'. I want my kids to live by some of the 'old saws' that encourage common sense.
Such as:
Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch. Assuming is never a good thing. Make an educated guess and a calculated risk...but never assume anything.
Respect Your Elders. Because, really...nothing is more disheartening than a young person who has zero respect for their own parents, let alone any other adults in their life. They don't have to always AGREE with their elders...but they darn sure better respect them!
Don't Rob Peter To Pay Paul. Spend your money wisely. Don't be impulsive or extravagant with your money. Especially when you don't have any. (Just ask the Government)
The Early Bird Gets The Worm. Don't be lazy! Get out there and work for what you want!
Rome Wasn't Built In A Day. Be patient, and have perseverance!
You Made Your Bed, Now Lie In It. Sorry! Bad choices have bad consequences. And I am not rushing in to save you from them. Start early evaluating the choices you make, and determine if the outcome will be a good one. (This also goes with If You Lay Down With Dogs, You Will Get Fleas.)
These are just a few. They have been around for generations, and you know why? They speak the TRUTH!
Sure, I want my kids to be proficient in math, to be well read.
But more than that I want them to have those skills that will serve them most in life. Intelligence is not measured by how 'smart' you are....I know plenty of 'educated idiots'...people who are book smart, but don't have the 'Sense To Get In Out Of The Rain'. I want my kids to live by some of the 'old saws' that encourage common sense.
Such as:
Don't Count Your Chickens Before They Hatch. Assuming is never a good thing. Make an educated guess and a calculated risk...but never assume anything.
Respect Your Elders. Because, really...nothing is more disheartening than a young person who has zero respect for their own parents, let alone any other adults in their life. They don't have to always AGREE with their elders...but they darn sure better respect them!
Don't Rob Peter To Pay Paul. Spend your money wisely. Don't be impulsive or extravagant with your money. Especially when you don't have any. (Just ask the Government)
The Early Bird Gets The Worm. Don't be lazy! Get out there and work for what you want!
Rome Wasn't Built In A Day. Be patient, and have perseverance!
You Made Your Bed, Now Lie In It. Sorry! Bad choices have bad consequences. And I am not rushing in to save you from them. Start early evaluating the choices you make, and determine if the outcome will be a good one. (This also goes with If You Lay Down With Dogs, You Will Get Fleas.)
These are just a few. They have been around for generations, and you know why? They speak the TRUTH!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
One Downfall of Homeschooling
One downfall of homeschooling is that you are around your children 24/7. Sometimes when you are around your children that much it's hard to notice when something is wrong.
I suppose this doesn't just apply to homeschool moms- I never realized my son had motor skills issues until he started kindergarten and the teacher pointed it out to me. I was just so used to seeing the issues that I quit 'seeing' the issues...does this make any sense?
I came across this blog post from Simple Homeschool about her son's speech therapy:
http://simplehomeschool.net/speech-therapy/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SimpleHomeschool+%28Simple+Homeschool%29
The author writes:
"Like many homeschooling parents, I’m not very good at seeking outside help. We tend to be an independent, self-sufficient lot, right? As fellow homeschooler and speech-language pathologist (SLP) Lisa Scott says, “None of us wants to believe there is anything wrong with our child. But when you are homeschooling, there is the added pressure of fearing that there is something wrong with your child because YOU have failed as a homeschooling mom. We often don’t want to face our fears, so we try to ignore the problem.”
But if another well meaning mom tells you something about your child..well, now...sometimes it's hard for the mom to take in a positive light. No one wants to admit something is 'wrong' with our kids. However, it's important to keep in mind that NO child is perfect. All kids have their quirks. Some they grow out of...some they need outside help with.
What I am trying to say is this- if an outside person mentions a behavior or quirk they have observed in your child...don't freak out. Listen to them. Maybe it's nothing new to you...but maybe it is. And if it is something they won't grow out of, please don't feel like a failure if you can't 'fix' it on your own and have to contact a professional! Most of the time, the earlier the intervention, the better.
And the wonderful thing about homeschooling is this...if your child does have issues that need intervention with a professional, there isn't the 'stigma' attached. The child can deal with those issues in a comfortable environment without having to worry if their friends or classmates think they're weird.
I suppose this doesn't just apply to homeschool moms- I never realized my son had motor skills issues until he started kindergarten and the teacher pointed it out to me. I was just so used to seeing the issues that I quit 'seeing' the issues...does this make any sense?
I came across this blog post from Simple Homeschool about her son's speech therapy:
http://simplehomeschool.net/speech-therapy/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SimpleHomeschool+%28Simple+Homeschool%29
The author writes:
"Like many homeschooling parents, I’m not very good at seeking outside help. We tend to be an independent, self-sufficient lot, right? As fellow homeschooler and speech-language pathologist (SLP) Lisa Scott says, “None of us wants to believe there is anything wrong with our child. But when you are homeschooling, there is the added pressure of fearing that there is something wrong with your child because YOU have failed as a homeschooling mom. We often don’t want to face our fears, so we try to ignore the problem.”
But if another well meaning mom tells you something about your child..well, now...sometimes it's hard for the mom to take in a positive light. No one wants to admit something is 'wrong' with our kids. However, it's important to keep in mind that NO child is perfect. All kids have their quirks. Some they grow out of...some they need outside help with.
What I am trying to say is this- if an outside person mentions a behavior or quirk they have observed in your child...don't freak out. Listen to them. Maybe it's nothing new to you...but maybe it is. And if it is something they won't grow out of, please don't feel like a failure if you can't 'fix' it on your own and have to contact a professional! Most of the time, the earlier the intervention, the better.
And the wonderful thing about homeschooling is this...if your child does have issues that need intervention with a professional, there isn't the 'stigma' attached. The child can deal with those issues in a comfortable environment without having to worry if their friends or classmates think they're weird.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Knowing Your Worth
Saturday was the day for Nutcracker Ballet tryouts. They started at 8:30 that morning and lasted throughout the day.
Did I happen to mention that my daughter loves to attend the Nutcracker every year at Christmas? And that professional dancers from all over the world perform for us? In our 'small town', this is a very big deal. So of course, my daughter decides she wants to try out for some of the children's parts.
So, Saturday I wake her at 6:00 am so that we can drive to the auditions (which were in the next town over, about 20 minutes away) and get there by 8:30.
She was eligible for 4 parts.
First part, she didn't make the cut.
Second part, she didn't make the cut.
Lots of little girls came out crying. My girl was just excited to try out for the next part.
"Are you going to cry if you don't get a part?" I asked.
"No. It'll be just as much fun watching the show even if I'm not in it!" she replied.
Did I mention this was taking a-l-l d-a-y long?
Third part- no luck.
But the fourth part..8 hours later...success! She got the part!
Yes, I m a proud mama. But the thing I am most proud of is the fact that my daughter knows her worth...and that her worth doesn't involve whether or not she is a 'winner' or a 'loser'.
She's a beloved child of God. And she's special no matter the circumstance.
Did I happen to mention that my daughter loves to attend the Nutcracker every year at Christmas? And that professional dancers from all over the world perform for us? In our 'small town', this is a very big deal. So of course, my daughter decides she wants to try out for some of the children's parts.
So, Saturday I wake her at 6:00 am so that we can drive to the auditions (which were in the next town over, about 20 minutes away) and get there by 8:30.
She was eligible for 4 parts.
First part, she didn't make the cut.
Second part, she didn't make the cut.
Lots of little girls came out crying. My girl was just excited to try out for the next part.
"Are you going to cry if you don't get a part?" I asked.
"No. It'll be just as much fun watching the show even if I'm not in it!" she replied.
Did I mention this was taking a-l-l d-a-y long?
Third part- no luck.
But the fourth part..8 hours later...success! She got the part!
Yes, I m a proud mama. But the thing I am most proud of is the fact that my daughter knows her worth...and that her worth doesn't involve whether or not she is a 'winner' or a 'loser'.
She's a beloved child of God. And she's special no matter the circumstance.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Life Lessons
The best lessons in life are never learned from books, are they? No, usually the School Of Hard Knocks has a curriculum planned that there is no study guide for and the test...well,...it's a killer.
I've said it before, and I will say it again, sometimes kids are just turkeys of their own accord. They lack the foresight and the experience to make good choices. And no matter how innocuous those choices are to begin with, there are times when that seemingly innocent action can spiral into a situation for which there are unpleasant consequences.
It's hard to watch your child having to deal with consequences from making bad decisions. But oh, how necessary it is! If you shield your child from every negative feeling and situation, you are not doing him or the world a favor.
So, in our house we are dealing with unpleasant consequences for bad choices. Consequences with which I am in total agreement. Rules are rules and meant to be followed.
But still...my heart hurts for him.
I've said it before, and I will say it again, sometimes kids are just turkeys of their own accord. They lack the foresight and the experience to make good choices. And no matter how innocuous those choices are to begin with, there are times when that seemingly innocent action can spiral into a situation for which there are unpleasant consequences.
It's hard to watch your child having to deal with consequences from making bad decisions. But oh, how necessary it is! If you shield your child from every negative feeling and situation, you are not doing him or the world a favor.
So, in our house we are dealing with unpleasant consequences for bad choices. Consequences with which I am in total agreement. Rules are rules and meant to be followed.
But still...my heart hurts for him.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Validation From the Front Porch
There's a dove that has a nest on the column under my front porch. She has actually raised about 6 sets of babies throughout the course of the summer and we have really enjoyed watching her do her job. She has taught me so much along the way...
1) She's not worrying that her nest is not the nicest, prettiest, coolest, awesomest nest in the neighborhood. It shelters her family, keeps them warm and safe and dry...and that's enough.
2) She's not stressing that she's screwing up her children by not giving them this toy or that lesson or that they aren't always busy with the other chicks in town.
3) Her days are spent making sure they are safe...even if it means sitting on her nest for days at a time. She's not grumping that she gets no "Me Time", that she needs a break, that sitting on eggs when out of style 30 years ago. She allows their needs to become her focus.
4) She knows what her babies need and provides what is necessary. She doesn't listen to the other doves or ask if 'this' is normal or if they thought 'that' was okay...she just observes their needs and fulfills them. With no need to apologize to anyone.
5) She teaches them everything they need to know about life...about where to find the food and the water and the twigs. She teaches them that no one else is going to do this for them, so they need to work for themselves.
6) When the time comes, she sits back and lets them fly out of the nest. She doesn't freak out and pad the surrounding area and provide a safety net or hold them back in the nest by their tail feathers...she watches them with confidence as they take those first steps of freedom.
That little momma dove could teach us all a lesson or two.
1) She's not worrying that her nest is not the nicest, prettiest, coolest, awesomest nest in the neighborhood. It shelters her family, keeps them warm and safe and dry...and that's enough.
2) She's not stressing that she's screwing up her children by not giving them this toy or that lesson or that they aren't always busy with the other chicks in town.
3) Her days are spent making sure they are safe...even if it means sitting on her nest for days at a time. She's not grumping that she gets no "Me Time", that she needs a break, that sitting on eggs when out of style 30 years ago. She allows their needs to become her focus.
4) She knows what her babies need and provides what is necessary. She doesn't listen to the other doves or ask if 'this' is normal or if they thought 'that' was okay...she just observes their needs and fulfills them. With no need to apologize to anyone.
5) She teaches them everything they need to know about life...about where to find the food and the water and the twigs. She teaches them that no one else is going to do this for them, so they need to work for themselves.
6) When the time comes, she sits back and lets them fly out of the nest. She doesn't freak out and pad the surrounding area and provide a safety net or hold them back in the nest by their tail feathers...she watches them with confidence as they take those first steps of freedom.
That little momma dove could teach us all a lesson or two.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The Hardest Part
Yesterday I went to kiss my 12 year old son on top of his head like I always do, when he suddenly pulled back and said, "Don't kiss me, Mom."
*blink*
Okay. I ruffled his sandy hair with my hand instead, smiled, and watched him run down the hall.
Can I just say that stung? A lot.
How do I explain to him that when I look at him I still see the little staggering toddler who used to reach above his head with his pudgy little baby hands and beg me to "Hold you, me!" (Translation: Pick me up, dear Mother) Who loved to snuggle in my lap every night for a good night story?
The hardest part of parenting, you would think, would be the sleepless nights,...the toilet training,... the burying of dead and beloved pets,... the watching them suffer when they have an allergic reaction gone-wrong from an antibiotic and they writhe in pain for six weeks because of it....
Maybe the hardest part is knowing when to realize that little boy is gone and stepping back to watch him become a man.
*blink*
Okay. I ruffled his sandy hair with my hand instead, smiled, and watched him run down the hall.
Can I just say that stung? A lot.
How do I explain to him that when I look at him I still see the little staggering toddler who used to reach above his head with his pudgy little baby hands and beg me to "Hold you, me!" (Translation: Pick me up, dear Mother) Who loved to snuggle in my lap every night for a good night story?
The hardest part of parenting, you would think, would be the sleepless nights,...the toilet training,... the burying of dead and beloved pets,... the watching them suffer when they have an allergic reaction gone-wrong from an antibiotic and they writhe in pain for six weeks because of it....
Maybe the hardest part is knowing when to realize that little boy is gone and stepping back to watch him become a man.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Is It Just Me?
Okay: Poll time. What age do you find it appropriate for children to have a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'?
When I was in middle school, it was a different day and age. No texting, no social media. If a boy called your house, chances are no matter where you hid with the phone (because, as we remember, the phone was attached to the wall and you had a limited radius of places to go with the phone), your mom or dad would hear the gist of the conversation. Or the boy would maybe come over to your house. Either way, chances were that the parents were bound to meet this other person sooner or later. There was no secretiveness, no 'privacy'. (Never mind I was a huge dork in middle school and never had a boy friend...that's beside the point.)
I have seen far too many children who have Facebook accounts, who are middle school aged, that have provocative profile pictures. Who have suggestive status updates. Who have boy-girl drama played out on the internet for all their friends to see. Who text secretively to their friends. Friends who the parents have no clue about.
I kinda have to be the uncool mom and say frankly...I don't like it. Nothing good can come from all of this unsupervised "'he-in' and she-in'".
Am I being unreasonable?
Am I just that old fashioned?
When I was in middle school, it was a different day and age. No texting, no social media. If a boy called your house, chances are no matter where you hid with the phone (because, as we remember, the phone was attached to the wall and you had a limited radius of places to go with the phone), your mom or dad would hear the gist of the conversation. Or the boy would maybe come over to your house. Either way, chances were that the parents were bound to meet this other person sooner or later. There was no secretiveness, no 'privacy'. (Never mind I was a huge dork in middle school and never had a boy friend...that's beside the point.)
I have seen far too many children who have Facebook accounts, who are middle school aged, that have provocative profile pictures. Who have suggestive status updates. Who have boy-girl drama played out on the internet for all their friends to see. Who text secretively to their friends. Friends who the parents have no clue about.
I kinda have to be the uncool mom and say frankly...I don't like it. Nothing good can come from all of this unsupervised "'he-in' and she-in'".
Am I being unreasonable?
Am I just that old fashioned?
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Birds,Bees, and Me
I'm not a prude. No, really, I'm not. I grew up with a German mother, so we had a very European attitude about nudity...i.e., everyone has one so it's no big deal.
So today's science lesson has me a little red-faced and nervous.
It's about reproduction. (Who else is singing that song from Grease 2 now?) Oh yeah. We actually have to use the technical terms for our bodies and everything. (Oh hush-you all know you have nicknames for certain parts! Names that make you snicker when you hear someone else unwittingly say it! Wait...is that just me? It is? Oh.)
(Funny story- my son's name is Will and when he was a toddler, his 'nickname' for his...you know...was Wee Willie's Winkie. Which was cute until his kindergarten teacher taught them song and nursery rhyme about Wee Willie Winkie. My son came home telling me the class sang a song about HIS WINKIE. He was a legend in his own mind.) DON'T TELL HIM I TOLD YOU.
Now, before you think my kids are completely naive, let me just say that they know how babies come out of the tummy...they know a sperm fertilizes an egg...but they have never asked how DOES that sperm get there in the first place? And I learned long ago...only answer what they are asking about. And they have never asked that key question.
I will say that it helps having two kids of the opposite sex. When they we smaller they used to take baths together and they noticed the difference then, so there is no shocking revelation there.
Anyway, like I said, I'm not a prude, and I don't mind teaching my children about the Birds and the Bees...but I feel like I am exposing my self talking about it with them. Because I know they will look at me and figure it out about me and Daddy. And there might be questions. And imaginations. And therapy bills.
So, I will grit my teeth and act like a mature adult today. I will answer all questions scientifically and biologically. There will even be a cute little lapbook involved.
But I might need a glass of wine when it's all over.
So today's science lesson has me a little red-faced and nervous.
It's about reproduction. (Who else is singing that song from Grease 2 now?) Oh yeah. We actually have to use the technical terms for our bodies and everything. (Oh hush-you all know you have nicknames for certain parts! Names that make you snicker when you hear someone else unwittingly say it! Wait...is that just me? It is? Oh.)
(Funny story- my son's name is Will and when he was a toddler, his 'nickname' for his...you know...was Wee Willie's Winkie. Which was cute until his kindergarten teacher taught them song and nursery rhyme about Wee Willie Winkie. My son came home telling me the class sang a song about HIS WINKIE. He was a legend in his own mind.) DON'T TELL HIM I TOLD YOU.
Now, before you think my kids are completely naive, let me just say that they know how babies come out of the tummy...they know a sperm fertilizes an egg...but they have never asked how DOES that sperm get there in the first place? And I learned long ago...only answer what they are asking about. And they have never asked that key question.
I will say that it helps having two kids of the opposite sex. When they we smaller they used to take baths together and they noticed the difference then, so there is no shocking revelation there.
Anyway, like I said, I'm not a prude, and I don't mind teaching my children about the Birds and the Bees...but I feel like I am exposing my self talking about it with them. Because I know they will look at me and figure it out about me and Daddy. And there might be questions. And imaginations. And therapy bills.
So, I will grit my teeth and act like a mature adult today. I will answer all questions scientifically and biologically. There will even be a cute little lapbook involved.
But I might need a glass of wine when it's all over.
Friday, July 29, 2011
The Right Track
When I gave birth to my oldest almost 12 years ago, I had no experience with children. None. I never babysat, I 'd never changed a diaper, I'd never fixed a bottle. And I had no desire to.
But I knew laying there on that delivery table, despite the fact that I had lost the use of my legs and was shaking uncontrollably, that if a wild cougar entered the room I was fully capable of hurling myself on it (albeit with my elbows) and tearing its throat out with my teeth if it even LOOKED at my son. (Future daughter-in-law...take note.) The same thing was true with my daughter.
And the older they get, that feeling never subsides. Even though my son is almost 12...steps away from manhood...and my daughter is 9...if anything were to hurt or harm them I would do whatever I could to protect them or die trying.
So one of my deepest wishes as a mother is that my children forge a close bond. One that lasts long after I am gone. That they look out for each other when I'm not around. That they are truly friends as well as siblings.
Last night my kids went to a birthday party at a local fun center. Both kids got an armband and game tokens. My son plowed through his tokens immediately. My daughter was too busy riding rides to bother using hers.
Closing time was drawing near and I knew my daughter wouldn't use her tokens, so I gave them to my son. And of course five seconds after I did so, she came asking for them. I apologized and told her what I had done and offered to buy her more. "No..it's okay," she said. "Will likes video games more than me. He can have them." And she was fine.
Meanwhile, my son had won several tickets at the skee-ball game. "Lauren can have these tickets to pick out a prize, since they were her tokens that won them," he said. My heart warmed.
They both ran to the counter, tickets in hand. Then I heard my daughter say to my son excitedly, "Why don't I get something for you too?" So they traded in their tickets for two Silly Bandz and two lollipops. Which they shared.
My heart melted.
I think they are on the right track.
But I knew laying there on that delivery table, despite the fact that I had lost the use of my legs and was shaking uncontrollably, that if a wild cougar entered the room I was fully capable of hurling myself on it (albeit with my elbows) and tearing its throat out with my teeth if it even LOOKED at my son. (Future daughter-in-law...take note.) The same thing was true with my daughter.
And the older they get, that feeling never subsides. Even though my son is almost 12...steps away from manhood...and my daughter is 9...if anything were to hurt or harm them I would do whatever I could to protect them or die trying.
So one of my deepest wishes as a mother is that my children forge a close bond. One that lasts long after I am gone. That they look out for each other when I'm not around. That they are truly friends as well as siblings.
Last night my kids went to a birthday party at a local fun center. Both kids got an armband and game tokens. My son plowed through his tokens immediately. My daughter was too busy riding rides to bother using hers.
Closing time was drawing near and I knew my daughter wouldn't use her tokens, so I gave them to my son. And of course five seconds after I did so, she came asking for them. I apologized and told her what I had done and offered to buy her more. "No..it's okay," she said. "Will likes video games more than me. He can have them." And she was fine.
Meanwhile, my son had won several tickets at the skee-ball game. "Lauren can have these tickets to pick out a prize, since they were her tokens that won them," he said. My heart warmed.
They both ran to the counter, tickets in hand. Then I heard my daughter say to my son excitedly, "Why don't I get something for you too?" So they traded in their tickets for two Silly Bandz and two lollipops. Which they shared.
My heart melted.
I think they are on the right track.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Frugal 101
Now that the US government is on the verge of financial ruin, let's discuss being frugal, shall we?
I was frugal back when frugal was called 'tightwad'. Or 'cheapskate'. And I married a man who was even a tighter wad than me. You could practically hear the squeaking when our collective tightness got together. But I digress...
There are some things I do on a regular basis that help our family save money. Here are a few:
1. Never use a credit card. We don't even own one. We do have a bank debit card for transactions online or booking hotel rooms. And for those of you who may live under a rock, the bank debit cards withdraw funds directly from your checking account. There is no interest. And all God's people said "Amen".
2. Buy used whenever you can. I frequent the local used bookstore for curriculum. I shop at Goodwill frequently for clothes. (Get over yourself-once you buy brand new clothes and put them on they are USED too. Although I will admit I don't buy anything I can't wash in hot water when I get it home.)
3. Use a clothesline to dry laundry. Yes, it's inconvenient. But so is forgetting about the dried clothes in the dryer and pulling the whole wrinkled mess out of the dryer and then running it through AGAIN to get the wrinkles out. Or forgetting to turn ON the dryer and having to wash the whole load again because they smell like a locker room. I know I am not the only one who has done this!
4. Plan menus and grocery shop from the menus. This avoids unnecessary purchases-you only get what you need for those menus and that's it. It also helps you remember why you bought those green peppers in the first place. OH- and frozen chopped onions and bell peppers are awesome! They cost a fraction of what fresh costs and when used in a soup or sauce, no one is the wiser.
5. Cook at home. You get healthier meals and it is SO MUCH CHEAPER. Plus you save on gas driving to restaurants. And it's a great opportunity to include your kids in the cooking process.
6. Did you know you can set up your mortgage to pay one extra payment a month that goes directly to the principle of the loan? You can.
What about you? What are some of your money saving tips? I'd love to hear them!
I was frugal back when frugal was called 'tightwad'. Or 'cheapskate'. And I married a man who was even a tighter wad than me. You could practically hear the squeaking when our collective tightness got together. But I digress...
There are some things I do on a regular basis that help our family save money. Here are a few:
1. Never use a credit card. We don't even own one. We do have a bank debit card for transactions online or booking hotel rooms. And for those of you who may live under a rock, the bank debit cards withdraw funds directly from your checking account. There is no interest. And all God's people said "Amen".
2. Buy used whenever you can. I frequent the local used bookstore for curriculum. I shop at Goodwill frequently for clothes. (Get over yourself-once you buy brand new clothes and put them on they are USED too. Although I will admit I don't buy anything I can't wash in hot water when I get it home.)
3. Use a clothesline to dry laundry. Yes, it's inconvenient. But so is forgetting about the dried clothes in the dryer and pulling the whole wrinkled mess out of the dryer and then running it through AGAIN to get the wrinkles out. Or forgetting to turn ON the dryer and having to wash the whole load again because they smell like a locker room. I know I am not the only one who has done this!
4. Plan menus and grocery shop from the menus. This avoids unnecessary purchases-you only get what you need for those menus and that's it. It also helps you remember why you bought those green peppers in the first place. OH- and frozen chopped onions and bell peppers are awesome! They cost a fraction of what fresh costs and when used in a soup or sauce, no one is the wiser.
5. Cook at home. You get healthier meals and it is SO MUCH CHEAPER. Plus you save on gas driving to restaurants. And it's a great opportunity to include your kids in the cooking process.
6. Did you know you can set up your mortgage to pay one extra payment a month that goes directly to the principle of the loan? You can.
What about you? What are some of your money saving tips? I'd love to hear them!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Heart of the Home
Yesterday evening, as we pulled into our driveway, we noticed an inordinate amount of cars in the neighbor's driveway. Neighbors we have lived next door to since 1998. Neighbors, come to think of it,...we haven't really seen in a few weeks.
Something deep down told me this was no barbeque, no birthday party.
I sent the kids in and went on over to their house, dread in my heart. I prayed, "Lord, let me know what to say." He replied, "It's better just to listen."
Our neighbor's wife died suddenly that day.
Mrs. Judy was a vibrant woman, a babysitter for a few small children, raised her granddaughter as her own. She had the biggest heart for animals, taking in strays at every chance she had. When a group of us went Christmas caroling last Christmas, she was so excited she came out and sat on the front steps just beaming, loudly applauding, enjoying every second of it.
I walked into the kitchen and saw her husband sitting at the table. If you ever wondered if it is possible to be in a house packed with people and yet be utterly alone...it's true. He was utterly alone.
I held his hand and listened as he told me in agonizing detail of his wifes passing. I was embarrassed to know such sacred information. And I couldn't help but note that, although the house was so full of living, breathing people...the heart was gone. It felt some what stifled and empty and lonesome.
As I walked back into my home later that evening, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind....women: wives, mothers...we are all the heart beat of our home. We are the nuturers, the comforters. Even the little things like decorating for holidays and birthdays, cleaning the floors, cooking our meals...all of these things we do with love for the family we are blessed to live with. And when the one who does all those little Love Things is gone...you can feel it.
So this week, when you might be tempted to gripe about the laundry or having to cook a meal, just remember this- do these things with love. It doesn't go unnoticed. And when we are gone, we will be missed for it.
Be the heart of your home.
Something deep down told me this was no barbeque, no birthday party.
I sent the kids in and went on over to their house, dread in my heart. I prayed, "Lord, let me know what to say." He replied, "It's better just to listen."
Our neighbor's wife died suddenly that day.
Mrs. Judy was a vibrant woman, a babysitter for a few small children, raised her granddaughter as her own. She had the biggest heart for animals, taking in strays at every chance she had. When a group of us went Christmas caroling last Christmas, she was so excited she came out and sat on the front steps just beaming, loudly applauding, enjoying every second of it.
I walked into the kitchen and saw her husband sitting at the table. If you ever wondered if it is possible to be in a house packed with people and yet be utterly alone...it's true. He was utterly alone.
I held his hand and listened as he told me in agonizing detail of his wifes passing. I was embarrassed to know such sacred information. And I couldn't help but note that, although the house was so full of living, breathing people...the heart was gone. It felt some what stifled and empty and lonesome.
As I walked back into my home later that evening, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind....women: wives, mothers...we are all the heart beat of our home. We are the nuturers, the comforters. Even the little things like decorating for holidays and birthdays, cleaning the floors, cooking our meals...all of these things we do with love for the family we are blessed to live with. And when the one who does all those little Love Things is gone...you can feel it.
So this week, when you might be tempted to gripe about the laundry or having to cook a meal, just remember this- do these things with love. It doesn't go unnoticed. And when we are gone, we will be missed for it.
Be the heart of your home.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
What's Wrong With That?
There's been a lot of buzz about a restaurant that has a policy which states "No kids allowed under the age of 6". My first reaction was, what's the big deal?
My son was a model baby. He would sit so patiently and quietly in a restaurant high chair, never make a peep and smile at everyone around him. Patrons would pass by our table on their way out and commend me on my sweet child. I would pat myself on the back and consider myself the MOST AWESOME MOM EVER.
Then I had my daughter.
Oh my stars. Let me say, while I love that child to the ends of the Earth...she was quite the different child than my son. She was LOUD. She was FUSSY. She hated to sit in the restaurant high chairs. All of my delusions of Perfect Mom flew out the window. One day, when she was about 18 months old, she took off running around the Back Yard Burger. And I could NOT catch her. I was flustered, embarrassed and yes...angry. I swore then that I would not take them to a restaurant again until she was old enough to sit and behave.
That was a two year restaurant hiatus. When she hit the age of about 3 or 4, she was reasonable and logical. And knew she would get disciplined if she acted inappropriately.
I don't see why people think that everyone loves their precious little snowflakes so much that we all want to hear crying, whining, yelling. What would they do if an adult acted that way in a restaurant?
I don't see anything wrong with a restaurant's decision to cater to adults. Sometimes adults want to have an enjoyable evening out without the stress of children misbehaving.
What about you? Which stance do you take on this issue?
My son was a model baby. He would sit so patiently and quietly in a restaurant high chair, never make a peep and smile at everyone around him. Patrons would pass by our table on their way out and commend me on my sweet child. I would pat myself on the back and consider myself the MOST AWESOME MOM EVER.
Then I had my daughter.
Oh my stars. Let me say, while I love that child to the ends of the Earth...she was quite the different child than my son. She was LOUD. She was FUSSY. She hated to sit in the restaurant high chairs. All of my delusions of Perfect Mom flew out the window. One day, when she was about 18 months old, she took off running around the Back Yard Burger. And I could NOT catch her. I was flustered, embarrassed and yes...angry. I swore then that I would not take them to a restaurant again until she was old enough to sit and behave.
That was a two year restaurant hiatus. When she hit the age of about 3 or 4, she was reasonable and logical. And knew she would get disciplined if she acted inappropriately.
I don't see why people think that everyone loves their precious little snowflakes so much that we all want to hear crying, whining, yelling. What would they do if an adult acted that way in a restaurant?
I don't see anything wrong with a restaurant's decision to cater to adults. Sometimes adults want to have an enjoyable evening out without the stress of children misbehaving.
What about you? Which stance do you take on this issue?
Monday, July 11, 2011
Seventy-Seven Times
"I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." Jesus Christ
Who knows the question that is the answer to? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
It's how many times we are supposed to forgive someone.
Any of you who follow this thing I call a blog might have read about the kids up the street treating my son like garbage. Boys who were once friends -two of whom were considered his BEST friends- decided to tell him he was worthless.
Here's an update.
My son has had nothing to do with any of them. Cold turkey. He has had a great summer enjoying his homeschool group of friends and really hasn't missed these other kids.
Now certain kids have been banned from playing at neighbor's houses. One has moved away. Now some of them want to be friends with my son again.
At first, the momma bear inside me want to growl and tell him to never speak to those turkeys again.
But, alas, what does Jesus tell us? Seventy seven times. I can't argue with that.
So he went and played some backyard baseball with them and had a great time.
However...if he comes home again feeling like a huge ZERO, I might have to dig up the Biblical quote about not being anyone's 'punching bag' either.
But for now...it feels good to forgive.
Who knows the question that is the answer to? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?
It's how many times we are supposed to forgive someone.
Any of you who follow this thing I call a blog might have read about the kids up the street treating my son like garbage. Boys who were once friends -two of whom were considered his BEST friends- decided to tell him he was worthless.
Here's an update.
My son has had nothing to do with any of them. Cold turkey. He has had a great summer enjoying his homeschool group of friends and really hasn't missed these other kids.
Now certain kids have been banned from playing at neighbor's houses. One has moved away. Now some of them want to be friends with my son again.
At first, the momma bear inside me want to growl and tell him to never speak to those turkeys again.
But, alas, what does Jesus tell us? Seventy seven times. I can't argue with that.
So he went and played some backyard baseball with them and had a great time.
However...if he comes home again feeling like a huge ZERO, I might have to dig up the Biblical quote about not being anyone's 'punching bag' either.
But for now...it feels good to forgive.
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