Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Hope Has Wings

So, I have been feeling a little out of sorts lately. 

I miss my old house. I miss my old community.

I really miss gardening at my old house.  When ever I had a spare minute I would pull weeds or transplant something.  There was always something going on in that garden...blooms, baby rabbits, birds...

I miss digging in the dirt. I guess I am the kind of person that thrives on the scent of newly turned earth and rain. 

I even woke myself up out of a dream I had yesterday; a dream where I was digging out weeds at my old house and I was marveling at the yellow irises and purple oxalis.  I woke up just crying.

That time out in the garden was my communion with God.

So here I am in my rental home where they mow all the grass and trim all the shrubbery.   So nice and neat and sanitary.

Sigh.

A friend suggested container gardening.  So I planted some bright colored vinca in my flower pots on the front porch.

My husband gave me a beautiful petunia plant that is right by the front door.

Even so, I can only water them once a week and then I am done.

Sigh. 

I'm not sure what depression looks or feels like.  I always thought of it as feeling sad all the time.  I don't feel sad...I just feel...nothing.  Just blah.

I've been praying for intervention.  For just a little 'sunshine'.

Yesterday evening I kept the doors open (we have screen doors) to let the cool breeze blow through the house.

I could see the petunia outside the screen door.  I could smell its sweet fragrance blowing in through the door.

Everyone else was watching the television. I was fixated on the potted plant.

Suddenly a little flash caught my eye.  Emerald and ruby.

It was a hummingbird, dipping his beak into the petunia blooms.

And when he was done, he hovered right over that petunia plant and looked right into the screen door...right at me.

And then he was gone as quickly as he came.

My heart felt lighter. 

You don't have to tell me that 'hope has wings'...

I already know.



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